Oh the day and age of the modern mother, it’s filled with perfect Pinterest homes and internet trolls. It seems in 2017 everyone has an opinion on how you should raise your kids and what type of wife you should be. We are all guilty of falling into these traps and then feeling that sting of of disappointment when we fall short. It’s pretty insane what moms today try to accomplish and where they look for their worth. Guys, I get it. I’m just as guilty of it as you are but I did finally start making a change. How? Where? Well keep reading.
My husband is a smarty pants who is a PharmD (aka a doctor of pharmacy if you don’t know what that means because I sure as heck didn’t when we met) and used to hold a job that was extremely demanding. He would work the craziest hours and then come home and still be working. He used to be a pharmacy manager as a busy retail chain and it was slowly sucking the life from him and our family. Luckily a few months ago he took a position in a private pharmacy meaning we would have a “normal” family life for once. He’s home every night by 6:30 at the latest and off on the weekends and holidays, something that we never experienced before. The first few months of him being around more was a big transition because I was used to doing it all on my own and quiet frankly I had no idea how to share the responsibilities with him. For 4 years I had been everything I could on my own, this new shift in our little universe was weird.
I also have some control issues
So giving up all that control was a little foreign to me but it was worth it. The first thing we switched up? My arch nemesis grocery shopping. For the first time in my marriage I didn’t have to tackle this dreaded feat alone! Oh and guess what?! Turns out the grocery store isn’t actually the depths of hell when you have your husband tag along. It’s actually pretty quick and painless! Once I got a taste of that I wanted more! We quickly sat down and jotted out things I was used to always doing alone that we could now tag team. Sams club, oil changes, doctors appointments, target runs…we now schedule them into times where we can go as a family. My husband said the other day “it almost feels like we are a normal family these days”…and guess it wasn’t just that job change that allowed it, it was me. I had been so tightly holding onto control of my family that it didn’t even occur to me once to ask my husband for some help.
That’s crazy right?
Why do us mothers feel like we have to carry the world on our shoulders alone? Why are we so adamant on being this perfect idea that no one can actually maintain? Why are we so afraid of that H word, help? When did it become okay to run ourselves down to E every single day? Girl it’s time to change that.
I’m a big believer in the old saying ” you can’t pour from an empty cup”
Meaning if you are running your tank empty every single day then you are no good to anyone. If you are so emotionally, physically, and mentally drained from trying to balance it all on your own…well you are missing the good stuff. When I finally started letting my husband help out I found out two things very quickly. I learned that life was so filled with so many memory making moments and not just to do lists. I also learned (and this might blow your mind) but my husband liked helping me out. Even if it’s something as awful as groceries we are still doing it as a family and he loves that. I watch him and Noelle make up little games as we go up and down the aisles of the store or him sneaking her a candy bar at the checkout line. Wonderful, beautiful memories, can happen in the most run of the mill life situations all you have to do is stop long enough to notice them.
The other little thing I did?
I hired someone to come in once a week and clean for me. Now I live in the boonies so a cleaning lady isn’t that expensive but even if I had to trim some fat off the budget for it I would. Why? Because I get to play Candy Land with my girl instead of mopping the kitchen. To me a clean house speaks volumes because when it gets dirty and cluttered so does my mind. That’s just me though! Maybe you don’t mind cleaning the house, if thats the case then great! Instead look for another area of life you might need some help in and ask for it!
Now obviously what works for us isn’t going to work for you..because well life.
That’s not the point I’m trying to get across, my point is that YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO ALL!!! You don’t have to cook, clean, and look like you stepped of the runway. All your family wants and needs is YOU! Yes you in the yoga pants. Yes you drinking your cold coffee. Yes you with the house that is filled with mix matched furniture and hand me downs. Stop comparing yourself to anyone else. Stop trying to be like that mom or wife. Stop trying to make life perfect and instead just enjoy it. Oh an NEVER be afraid to ask for help, sharing the load is blessing.